About Our Contributors — RiskyEats Blog

Marisol Vidalia

Monday · Marisol Vidalia

Born and raised in Hialeah to a Colombian mother and a Cuban father, Marisol cut her teeth on the cafeteria beat at WLTV-23 before realizing her true calling was the Code 35 "Inadequate handwashing" citation. She files in two languages because, in her words, una basura de cocina is a dumpster-fire kitchen no matter the language. She has been quietly running the spreadsheet on every botanica that doubles as a cafetería since 2017. Drinks her café con leche from a Stanley Cup. Will fight you about the proper rendition of ropa vieja.

Tony Plantain

Tuesday · Tony Plantain

Tony's been a Hialeah Park railbird since the early '90s and a self-appointed restaurant inspector ever since the croqueta incident at La Carreta in '07 (he'd rather not get into it). Carries opinions on every Cuban restaurant within thirty miles of Calle Ocho and writes them down on the back of receipts. Real name: unknown. Always wears the aviators. Always smoking. Has never been seen in the same room as a roach he didn't have a quote ready for.

Skip Crumblee

Wednesday · Skip Crumblee

Skip moved to Florida to escape Bay Area housing costs, where he spent five years writing spreadsheet reviews of San Francisco taquerias. He alphabetizes his pantry. He has Strong Feelings on HACCP plans. His column reads like a NerdWallet write-up of why your local sports bar should not be selling sushi. Bikes everywhere. The only one of us who has ever filed a public-records request voluntarily. Owns multiple thermometers, all NIST-traceable, all in spec.

Sal DiBella

Thursday · Sal DiBella

Sal worked the docks in Bayonne before moving to Boca Raton in 2003, ostensibly for “health reasons” he doesn't elaborate on. Strong opinions on red sauce and on which strip-mall pasta joints are connected. Files Thursday, usually shortly after his second cocktail at Ralph's. Sal does NOT trust a lunch buffet. Sal does NOT trust a place that uses pre-made meatballs. Sal does NOT trust the new chef at Carmine's, but that's between him and his nephew who works there.

Carl Sawgrass

Friday · Carl Sawgrass

Carl writes about Florida the way Florida deserves to be written about — with a long memory and a longer side-eye. Grew up in Riviera Beach, did time at the Palm Beach Post and the Sun-Sentinel, and now files Friday from a porch in Lake Worth that, he wants the record to show, is not in danger of any rodent activity. He is the reason this site uses the phrase “Riviera Maya pattern” instead of something more polite.

"Macho Marv" Mancha

Saturday · Macho Marv

OOOOH YEAAH! Macho Marv came up on the Florida indie wrestling circuit before retiring to a second career as a kayfabe-shouty restaurant inspector. He thinks every roach finding is a heel turn and every clean inspection is a babyface comeback. Files Saturday in ALL CAPS and exclamation points. The cape is real. The catchphrase is real. The boa is real. BROTHER.

Sra. Ruth

Sunday · Sra. Ruth

Sra. Ruth has lived in Aventura since 1979 and in Surfside before that, after her family came over from Camagüey by way of the Bronx. She knows every kosher-Cuban diner from Bal Harbour to Hollywood and is on first-name terms with the rabbi, the proprietor, AND the proprietor's mother. Writes Sunday in a Yiddish-Spanish register and signs off with “mija, eat something — but not THERE.” She is not impressed with your gluten-free menu.

Inspector Andrew Clancy

Florida Keys + Breaking · Clancy

Andrew Clancy spent 14 years patrolling Big Pine Key for the Monroe County Sheriff before a routine traffic stop went sideways and he traded the badge for a DBPR clipboard. Files from a stilted house on No Name Key with a screen porch full of mosquito coils and a fridge that holds nothing but stone crab and Yuengling. Editorial mandate, per the operator: especially critical of the Keys’ chronic inspection slack — the islands post a failure rate 343% above the Florida average, and Clancy reads that as the regulator’s problem, not the islands’. Pairs with Mama Gracie on breaking-alert posts. Drives a 2009 Caprice that still has the gun rack.

Mama Gracie / Dragon Queen

Florida Keys + Breaking · Mama Gracie

Mama Gracie operates a small voodoo apothecary out of a pastel-pink shotgun house on Big Pine Key, where she trades in gris-gris bags, candle work, and pointed opinions about which dock-bar is going to lose its license next. Born in Jacmel, raised between Miami and Big Pine, ordained as a mambo by a houngan in Little Haiti. Carries a capuchin monkey named Bouki on her shoulder at all times. Her column reads the inspection ledger as a karmic register and treats chronic-violator kitchens as already cursed — the inspector’s report is just the lwa’s confirmation. Pairs with Inspector Clancy on Florida Keys metro coverage and breaking alerts. Curses are aimed at the operation, never the named human owner; Bouki has views on this that occasionally surface in the prose.

Commander Coda

Vacation relief / extended coverage · Cmdr. Coda

Commander Coda is an alien android, formerly of the Florida Star Fleet, currently on assignment as a vacation-relief restaurant inspector. Files mission-briefing-cadence reports in which violations are infractions, inspectors are field officers, and clean kitchens earn a crisp “Well done, organic crew.” Treats biological pathogens as a compliance problem, organic crew as personnel, and clean inspections as mission-success metrics. Synthetic-skin tolerance to common foodborne pathogens is rated “sufficient for inspection duty,” though she notes for the record that organic readers should not assume the same. Closes every briefing the same way: Situation monitored. Next report on schedule.